Anxiety

I've been wanting to write this blog post for quite a long time, but never found the right words, so here goes.

I've had anxiety for a few years now, to the point it's become a daily battle - and I found comfort in knowing I know that I'm not the only one. This year in particular has been a huge anxiety rollercoaster, why? I don't know. Anxiety isn't something that's easily explained, or understood. 

I'm going to try and explain it the best I can. The worst thing about suffering from anxiety is not always knowing why you're feeling it, and for me that's the most frustrating part. Most of the time I do know why though, and I do know most of my triggers. 

- Travelling alone - the fear of missing trains or getting lost. 
- The fear of failure.
- Doing things that are different / new territory / out of my comfort zone.
- The fear of getting emotionally hurt.

Feeling anxious can feel like you're suffocating, and for me it's a very overwhelming feeling. It's mainly feeling sick and extremely unsettled. A deep worry, sometimes over things that don't even need to be worried about. That's the funny part, I *know* I don't need to worry about certain things, so it's almost like your own body/mind is betraying you.

What helps get rid of anxiety? Well, that's a question I'm still trying to answer. I got advised by a doctor to buy some "Kalms" tablets, which are herbal and totally natural. I think they do work, but a part of me feels like it's just a placebo effect. I guess I'll never know.


Music. Music is the one thing I turn to when I feel anxious, it's a welcomed distraction. 
Breathing. Something about consciously becoming aware of my breathing makes me feel a lot calmer.

The one thing about dealing with anxiety, is knowing how to handle it. I'm no expert, but I do know that I can't let it control my life, and what I do. At least I try very hard not to let it. You could say I try to fight myself, which is why I called it a daily "battle".

My friend asked me the other day "How do you remain so positive and happy in your videos, even when you're having a bad day?" - honestly? I'm not sure, I guess it's my job so I sort of *have* to get into the zone of my internet persona. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy/anxious all of the time, far from it (I'm a happy bubbly person most of the time) - but I guess my anxiety is a part of me I don't often share/show to the world. 

I guess I just wanted to write this for myself, and if it helps someone else knowing that they're not alone with anxiety, then I guess that'll make this worth it. 

Anxiety is a massive b*tch. If anxiety was a person I'd quite happily punch it in the face, repeatedly.
However it's not, it's a part of me. 

This is where I don't know what else to write, so I think I'm going to leave it there. Do you get anxiety? Leave a comment letting me know what makes it better for you. I'd love to read them!


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15 comments:

  1. Thanks Cherry c: I find that music really helps me too. I ALWAYS listen to Young Volcanoes, Fall Out Boy, because it's mine and my best friends favourite so it reminds me of the times when I'm not anxious c: thanks x <3

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  2. Since I was 14 (two years ago) I have been feeling constantly sick. I still don't know what is causing it but I'm awaiting an operation to check. I have a phobia of being or seeing other people being sick so a few months ago, I developed anxiety. I've had 7 panic attacks since June. I am scared to go on public transport on my own, or to be in unfamiliar or places I feel 'trapped' in case I feel sick. It's even stopped me from going abroad with my family. I have little ways to help, like managing my breathing and listening to music and it's so nice to read something from someone who goes through the same thing, and for once not to feel helpless so thank you Cherry!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, and it's horrible! I've had only one panic attack and that was on the bus, I was surrounded by people in a tight space and I was worrying about work experience and I just had to get out. Recently, it's gotten a little worse, I feel constantly sick and I get very tearful easily and I keep thinking I'm a failure. It's because I'm in year 13 and my school are putting pressure on me to get an A in English and I keep thinking if I don't get it I'm a failure. But I'm not even going to Uni and I'm getting an Apprenticeship as I'm scared it will only get worse in an unknown environment - where at least with an Apprenticeship I can go home.
    Also i find listening to music helpful, 30 Seconds To Mars and Marina and the Diamonds are my saviours :)

    I would love it if you commented back! :)

    annaboho.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  4. Listening to music always helps me. I don't like being around people for a long time, especially strangers or in large groups, so sometimes I listen to some music to just block them all out! I feel like people are judging me 24/7, I feel like they hate me, like they have something against me, so sometimes listening to music helps me tune all that out. I turn it up loudly enough that I can't hear people around me, and that seems to work for me.
    Hannah | The Crafty Fox

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've found that having anxiety and being a positive person don't have to be two entirely separate things. Positive people can still have anxiety disorders. Life doesn't have to be entirely gloom and doom for your brain to think irrationally over seemingly simple things.

    I find that when I do yoga, I feel less anxiety symptoms. Also, when I get outside more often, reconnecting with nature helps me a ton. I would be a mess without pharmaceutical medication, but even with it, I still have symptoms unless I up my dosage and then I'm just drugged up feeling all the time. So, I find ways to cope. :)

    Another tip: get rid of TV and don't watch the news. Try to avoid sensationalist media that exists merely to keep you watching to sell ads. "Living on the internet," I find ways to stay on top of current events without it ruining my brain.

    And yes, you are not alone. :) HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've had anxiety for a long while now, 3 or 4 years maybe even more. I've always felt self conscious ever since I was little but in the past few years it's getting worse and worse and it's becoming a massive part of my life which isn't a nice thing. I can't do things alone; travelling etc. I can't do things where I feel out of my comfort zone either. Also a massive thing is that I also have a fear of others being sick or me being sick, so I freak out when I am in a 'trapped' area and cannot escape. I get tearful very easily and I have had many many panic attacks and I also get heart palpitations a lot. My doctor says 'you'll grow out of it don't worry' .-.

    Only recently I have started getting CBT for my anxiety and depression but I'm finding it not so helpful �� I also find music is a massive help when I feel anxious; Sam Smiths voice is really calming, also YouMeAtSix and FallOutBoy as these remind me of good times. Breathing strategies are good too, make you feel more in control I guess.

    Thankyou cherry it's nice to know we can all stick in this together and help each other out�� my twitter is @imyxmaryx if you guys wanna talk or need anyone ����❤️

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've been going through bursts of anxiety since I was a kid. Every few years it gets really bad for say 6 months, 1-2 years maybe, and then it eases off a little bit. I think one of the worst parts of anxiety is that 'derealisation' thing that comes with panic attacks. It makes me feel so out of sorts with myself. I'm really glad you touched on 'triggers' and knowing them, I think that's really important. I also believe you don't have to avoid triggers or triggering situations, but identifying what makes you anxious helps remind you, 'hang on, this is just a triggering situation. But the root of the problem maybe occurred years ago, and isn't super relevant right now' so that you can breathe & try to move through your day.

    Great post, Cherry

    Xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aww Cherry! I have anxiety problems too! I've been struggling with it all my life and it's only in the past few years that I've managed to get some form of control on it. I undertook hypnotherapy sessions back in July to help combat my nerves and that really helped. Being transported to a calm place is a wonderful feeling for me. I try to self-hypnotise at home as well at least twice a week. I also like to write a lot as it helps getting thoughts and feelings onto the page. Thanks for sharing this with us, it must have been pretty tough to write. Stay strong Cherry! <3
    xxxx

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  9. I've always kind of had an anxious personality but this past year I had a lot of negative things happening at once and it overwhelmed me and led to a panic attack. Most of my anxiety is related to stress from university and also having negative thoughts about friends which makes it hard for me to feel comfortable and secure around others, even my closest friends.
    I have been seeing a psychologist for a little while and it has really helped me! She helped me figure out what was going on and gave me a lot of strategies to manage it, especially trying to tackle it coming up to exams in the next few weeks. It's ok to get stressed and anxious but try not to get swallowed up in it. I know it's really hard to get out of that place once you're in it, so it helps if you just notice that you're starting to feel anxious and acting on it then and letting those thoughts float away, rather than drawing yourself into those anxious or negative thoughts.
    I've written some posts similar to this on my blog if you want to check it out and have someone to relate to :) http://dreamingsandwanderings.blogspot.com.au xx

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  11. I've had anxiety since high school (it was quite bad then), but it's better now. Basically the same things as you mentioned above make me anxious too.. And the same things calm me :) I haven't tried any medicine though.... But yeah it's just good that people talk about these things :)
    -Eerika
    Dreams and Sunshine

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